Before you are gonna argue with me,
That breakup crippled you very much..
That breakup left you with so many scars
Or how you feel that.. that breakup made you feel scared or left you with an anxiety..
Don’t you realize you got rid of something that is not suitable for you?
Didn’t you get out of something so precious to you because you felt that somewhere it’s going wrong..
Before you assume that I know nothing about the pain of a breakup, I do know!
I AM still dealing with a breakup that left me so scarred that I refuse to trust a person so much.
The mere mention of his name makes me feel pain so intense that I can feel it physically too.
My breath feels so short.. my voice becomes all shaky and my palms start sweating. I can’t count the number of times I woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for breath or feeling painful.
The dreams might not be necessarily bad dreams.. There were times when I have dreamt that things were as I imagined them to be.. perfect, all hearts and flowers.
And then I wake up and I find out that things are as messed up as they can be.
My heart felt like a barren ground, after a battle, unsuitable for a little sliver of hope to sprout out of that contaminated soil.
But then, I started questioning myself why it happened and how it happened. Then it dawned on me that all of this happened for a reason.
You may feel it’s unfair. You may feel you are a victim because of someone evil. But stop blaming either of you guys. Trust me, it does no good. I tried blaming my stupidity. I tried blaming him for his mistakes. Nothing works.
The one and only thing that helps you out of a breakup is ACCEPTING that it happened for a reason.
I was the person who would romanticize every single thing. A love song.. I would listen to it and feel how lyrics are so relatable.. I would see the people around me and miss him.. I blamed God for being so cruel.. There were days when every single passing thought was of him and nothing else!! When did I ever bother to think what I was doing with myself? When did I ever bother to understand what my heart wants? I always thought I wanted him and a precious love to be cherished. While there’s no harm in thinking you are worthy of love that makes you feel cherished, there IS harm in assuming that the very person who you dumped or got dumped for whatever reason is going to give it to you.
I emphasize, “YOU BROKE UP FOR A REASON!”
There’s no point in digging up the past, feeling helpless or angry or banging your head against the wall about ‘What if’s’ and ‘Would have’s’.
Take a deep breath. And LET. IT. GO.
Now you may ask, Is it that easy? Well, who said it would be easy? It is not a cakewalk. In fact, it’s just the opposite. It will be like, climbing up an unexplored mountain, with a hope that the view is going to be pretty up there, once you reach. But, but, there are a lot of hurdles you are going to pass. You will feel tired. You may feel like giving up and going back. But you have to push yourself because the view is too good to give up, midway.
Scientifically speaking, our minds are suckers for habits, good or bad. You have built a comfort zone around you (I wouldn’t say it’s pretty), but our minds got habituated to the unending questions, the pain of the breakup and everything else. That’s the reason we have such a hard time to let things go.
And ironically, our brain perceives any change as a danger, cause it’s already cocooned in the habitual home we built for it. Since our brain perceives it’s a danger, our brain is going to send signals to us preventing us not to go for the change.
I say, let’s pursue change.
Let’s go on a journey of finding ourselves, what makes us click, what we really want.
What do you have to do? Work on yourself.
Whenever you feel like the pain is going to swallow you, take a few deep breaths, talk to others, play games, read books, plant a tree, watch something meaningful, call your parents and there are a million other things to do.
Do something that you have never done before.
Track your progress every single day and see if you have made at least a little improvement than yesterday.
Even if you have learnt a tiny thing, it still counts. Played a new game, counts!
Cleaned your room? Still counts!
Finished reading a book? Well, that counts!!
Slowly, accept that IT IS WHAT IT IS.
Let’s prepare ourselves to climb the mountain of self-care and self-exploration.
There will be ugly troubles in between. Huge rocks like self-doubt, self-pity, anger, anxiety, sadness.
But all we have to do is push ourselves bit by bit, taking intervals and crossing every hurdle..
And there.. as you get closer to the mountain top, you realize it is all worth it.
The pain you have felt, the tears you have shed, the fear and sweat,everything makes sense.
And finally, you find yourself.
Isn’t that the best thing to happen?
All it takes is a tiny step towards committing to yourself. Then start taking tiny steps until you get habituated to this climbing up.
And all of this happened because of the break up. Now tell me, who said breakups are bad?
They let you grow. They teach you lessons to be stronger. To allow yourself to feel things. To grow past mistakes. To forgive others and ultimately find yourself.
PS : If you want someone to listen to what you are going through, I will always be there. Just a DM away!